Late night phone calls.
Everyday random topics and stories about the latest anime series you’ve watched and how your day was.
Every once in a while advice-giving session because someone just hurt your feelings.
Almost every minute of checking my phone as it beeps hoping to see your name on its screen.
Your very appreciative attitude on how I often uplift your mood.
Your eyes behind those glasses.
Your voice over the phone.
Your dimples when you smile.
That seemingly endless summer.
Those were the things that lingered on me after you’re gone. For some reasons, they stay. And for some other reasons, you don’t.
I was not expecting you to notice me at first just as the way I was not expecting you to leave soon, but it happened so quickly that I woke up one day and we became friends. On my part, things were surreal back then because I was not even imagining that someone like you will be a part of my life and will have a special place in my heart soon after. Everyday was a series of Cinderella story. But unlike hers, our story ends as the clock hits on 12. No more Princess. No more charming Prince. Not even a happy ending. It happened so quickly. Maybe you found out who you are and what you really want and realized I am not a part of it. So you just decided to put everything in a suitcase, left the ones that will remind me of you and walk away without planning to look back at me again.
That’s it. End of story. You have lived your life as if nothing happens.. as if there’s no me. You have learned to be better off without me. And it hits me.
It hits me when I see you happy while I was in my room sulking thinking what is the perfect formula to ease the pain you put me through.
It hits me whenever I am thinking about you while you were probably not thinking about me.
It hits me whenever I am reading your messages again and again and see the date you sent it.
It hits me because you’ve changed a lot as if you don’t want to remember your past self, the person I adored.
It hits me after knowing you have learned to live better after you walk away from the things that weigh you down.
Am I one of those? Because if not, I can’t think of any other reason for you to leave. If not, then why you walk away?
Or maybe it’s my fault for not knowing how to make you stay…
It hits me so badly that it breaks me.
The next moment after, I found the pieces of myself scattered on the floor. And I found you there. In the middle of my sobs and tears. Between sleep and awake. At the border of remembering and oblivion. I have to say the pain didn’t stop. Years passed, despite of the changes life throws at me, I still feel the urge of crying at night when something triggers me to remember you.
Then I know it’s you. It will always be you..
I wanted to remember you on that old glasses of yours, part of the crowd, wearing high school uniform. I didn’t want to lose that.